Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
