im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
