how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
