D3 body, D1 cock
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
