So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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