I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
