My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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