So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
