so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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