Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
