if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
