Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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