hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
