Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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