He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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