On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
