There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
