Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize