My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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