why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
