new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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