Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
