How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
