Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
