Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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