And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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