i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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