Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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