Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it's like iHOP with fire
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
