you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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