just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
