she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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