so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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