I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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