nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
