If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
