He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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