Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm too high and old for this...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
