Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
