i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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