I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
