david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
