i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
