OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
