so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
