Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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