seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A bitchslap is in order.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
