update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
