I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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