listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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