Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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