I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
