What did we do last night that was yellow?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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