Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
