guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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