so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
