apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
