if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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