you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I die, sorry about rent.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
