pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm passing your future prison.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
