drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
