What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if only i could text you this smell
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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