he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
