your thong is hanging out like whoa
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
