Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
