oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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