I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
