Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
