In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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