Christians are straight up FREAKS
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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